I was so reluctant to move back into my parents house, and now I feel weird leaving.
When I went to Snow I was soo excited to leave, meet new people, and do whatever I want, whenever I wanted. Now, I'm nervous. I feel like there is so much pressure to stand out of a sea of people, and figure out what I am going to do with my life. This coming year seems like it will have thee biggest affect on my future.
A friend of mine made some predictions about my life, and I did the same thing for her.
She said some things about my future that scared me to death. Who knows what will happen this next year, but for some reason I am extremely nervous.
There is this quote that I love from one of my favorite movies, Dirty Dancing. It says,
"I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you."
The movie is a classic, and if you haven't seen it go Netflix it. Now, I mention this quote not because I'm scared of walking out of some room and never feeling the rest of my life how I feel with whoever is in the room with me, but I feel like the quote captures how I feel. I am scared of things that I have seen, things that I have done, and going my whole life not being happy.
And I'm not afraid to say that I'm scared, because I know that I have some pretty awesome friends and a great family that will help me with anything that comes my way. I'm lucky to have them.
But I'm scared out of my mind.
Everyday is a new day. I wish there wasn't so much expected of me. Sometimes, I wish that I could just see a glimpse into the future, just to be reassured that everything will turn out OK. Who knows who will come into my life and who will fall out of my life. Last year I didn't even know half of my very best friends. Who knows what will come of the future.
It's a good reminder to always live a life where you are not rude or selfish. Thinking back to high school I wonder how I treated people. I wonder if people say "she was a brat to me when we were in high school." I hope that I at least leave some kind of good impression on people.
In less than two weeks I am moving to a place where very few people know me. I can be whoever I want. It's like making a new identity. If I could choose an identity different than the one that I actually have, maybe I would choose FEARLESS. Which by reading this post I obviously am not. In the end I know that I am going to go to school in less than two weeks and take on the identity that I have always had. I can't put one word on it, but it will just be me. I hope that I can add a little more KINDNESS and a little more FEARLESS into my identity, but I bet it will depend on the day.
I'm excited to have my roommate Amanda there with me. She will always keep me grounded and remind me of who I am. I'm mostly excited to see her. I've missed her all summer long.
We'll see how it goes :) I'll keep ya posted.
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